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PART I.-"FALLING FOR OR FALLING IN AND WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE ?"

Falling in love is probably one of the greatest pleasures in our lives. It's the "falling in love" part that is always exciting. Don't you just love "falling in love." I think it's why most of us get in trouble with love. Because before we know it, we have committed to someone based on those silly little giddy feelings we experience when first we "fall" for someone.
"Falling in love" is totally different from "falling for someone." You can "fall"for someone, without "falling in love" with them. I think it's what's going on most of the time when we mistaken the "falliing for," for, "falling in". And that's why so many relationships, and worst, marriages, fail and continue to fail. How can we tell the difference?
   Well, time. Time is most important. You have to give your relationships time to develope and time to figure out what kind of "fall" it will turn out to be.
You can "fall" for someone's personality and for the way they dress. You can "fall" for how popular a person is or how smart they are. You can "fall" for the way they pick up the check at dinner and tip. Or you can "fall" for the way they take charge and make things happen whenever you are together. You can "fall" for the way they walk or talk, and you can "fall" for the way they smile or the way "their eyes twinkle when they laugh.  There are so many reasons why you can "fall" for someone. But is that LOVE?
"Falling in Love" with someone is so much more than that . To actually "fall in Love" means having to not only consider, but also witness some characteristics that only  "Love" can bring out of someone.
Trustworthiness, respectfullness, honesty, patience, understanding, sincerity, honor, symphathy, empathy, concern, responsibility, accountability, employability, and compatibility are all attributes that should be looked for whenever considering someone as a significant other. Too often we "fall" for the exterior rather than wait to truly find out what the interior is all about. What are they really made of. What are their values in life. Just asking a person is not going to guarantee the truth. People have the tendency to hide a lot of who they really are. But, paying attention and taking your time can tell you all you need to know  about a potential partner before you invest too much of yourself into a relationship that could be headed for desaster.
Remember, ask yourself about the new person that you are having those whoeee, gooeey, feelings for. If you are finding yourself wanting to spend more time with that special someone, then don't forget to examine what you really feel and why. In other words, are you "falling for this person," or "falling in love" with this person. And don't forget to examine the very important reasons why you are "falling" for this person. Are your true reasons, (exterior) or what you found about them in the (interior.)
And then determine if you are, "FALLING FOR OR FALLING IN." 

WHAT THE HELL DO YOU LOVE ABOUT HIM?

S+e was completely distraught. Her eyes were completely red and puffy from hours of crying,and that was obvious. I had waited for her on her porch for several .longer than I feel was appropriate before she finally answered the door. And now I knew why, but I didn't know the reason. For the tears that is. Although I could make a stab at it

She was a young friend of mine that I would mentor from time to time. A single mother, struggling to be a mother to her two sons. She had a job and that was both good and unusual for a young woman in her neighborhood. Most of the girls that got pregnant were also on welfare. But on that note she beat the odds. And I think that was what attracted me to her and made me willing to help her in any way I could. I love being the mother figure for any young person that shows promise. And she did. She got a lot of it wrong. But she was trying and for the most part was willing to listen and hear. For the most part.

Like most of the young ladths in the poorer part of our cities, she felt that she needed to have some kind of man in her life. In most of those close neighborhoods the men are shared from girl to girl. So they already have a pretty good idea of the kind of man that they are allowing into their lives and the lives of their children.

These neighborhoods are crawling with predators of one kind or another. These young and single mothers end up with young males who are not equipped to be the men or fathers that they set their hopes on. They just don't have what it takes to be a leader of a family because they have never been taught or even had examples of their own, at least not good examples, and yet these young men make it into these desperate young women household anyway.


And so is the case. This young and beautiful woman is the victim of her own doing.  And so I asked, "what's wrong?"
She answered, "the same ol' crap."
I looked at her carefully. Trying to figure out "why." and what would have to happen to make this girl realize that she was worth so much more. "Is he here?"  I asked.
She said he had left. But she went on to say how much she hated him and the things that he did to her. She was fed up with the way he cheated on her and stayed out all night. She was tired of the way he depended on her money for all of his needs and how he never, ever contributed to the household or to their lives as a couple. She bought all the gifts and paid for all the romatic dinners. And she was tired of all of his texting and phone calls. She was just tired.
So I asked the obvious question,"why don't you leave him or put him out?"
And she said, "because I love him."
I contemplated that response for a moment before I spoke again. I just couldn't understand what she could be thinking. And what about her future?  Doesn't she ever think about her own future and what she deserves. And her children. What about her children?!

"You love him?" I whispered."What do you mean you love him? Tell me, please, what do you love about him?"  I was standing directly in front of her on her porch and I looked her in her eyes, so that I could get her direct attention. I wanted her to listen and hear me with all she had. I needed her to understand that I was tired also. I was tired of trying to be all I could for her and her children and watching her do less. I believed that she deserved more and I needed her to believe the same thing. So I said . . .

"What do you love about him?"
"You love the way he cheats on you."
 "You love the way he beats you and hurts you."
"You love the way he takes from you and your children."
You love his selfishness."
"You love the constant array of females calling him and disrespecting you." or
"Maybe you love the way he takes your car out all night and makes you late for work and the children late for school."
"Please tell me, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU REALLY LOVE ABOUT HIM?"
"He have left you with nothing else to love but those things that I have stated and yet you say you love him. Well let me say that if that is what you love about him then please, please, realize it and stop complaining and for goodness sake, stop crying and just love him and all the rottenness he brings to you and your family daily.

And then I walked away.
\


 

Thanks

My Honey Calls Me Baby, "Too"

He calls everyone "baby" and I hate it!!! I just don't understand why he has to call every female "baby". When we started dating, about five years ago, he called me "baby" and I loved it.  After all isn't that who I am to him? His "baby" and I understood it. We were great together. We had a very steamy and intimate beginning.  {I know what you're thinking, who hasn't) well all I know is that we experienced love in a beautiful and tender way. And I fell hard. Not in love, but I fell in strong "like" and that feeling grew, and grew.

(But does the beginning of a relationship  dictate what to expect of it's end?  I should say not).

I had good reasons for liking this man.  He rescued me during a time in my life when I really needed a man, and a strong man at that.   And this man stepped up. What I really liked, was that I didn't have to call him for help. He called me. It was the only way we would have been able to share these years together. My pride would have never allowed me to call him, not to mention, that he was never my "type".

Nevertheless, he was the one to show up on my behalf with fearless determination that awed me and pierced my heart.  He bought stability, calm, safety,, warmth, rest, passion, manly strength, a strong shoulder for me to cry on and an even stronger back to carry me on. And that he did. Thank you honey.

But now I find flaws that are driving me crazy.  Like calling all women, including his daughter, my pet name. And he never calls me by my real name. Never. But it is what I now prefer.  I don't want to be included with all other women that he knows and don't know.  I want to stand alone in his heart and mind.  I want my own pet name.  One that he never uses towards anyone else but me.  Isn't it convenient for him to be able to call all the ladies, "baby?"  He has turned an "intimate term" into a "common one."  And there is nothing common about me.

I tried to be comfortable with this very bad habit of his. But to no avail. I just don't like it. After all I don't call every man "honey" or " sweetheart."   Why would I? That's not who other men are to me.  To use such endearments mean a lot more to me than to spread them around on just any ol' man.  To utter those words mean that I'm feeling a fire somewhere in my heart for that very special person, that person that stands out from all the rest. And that includes family and friends. No one else can hold the spot that my "honey" holds. No one.

And so you see, that's why I cannot understand how my "honey" can call anyone else "baby" when "baby" is the only intimate way that my "honey" refers to me.

What do you think? 
Let me know.
Thank You,
Sincerely,
His Baby