WHAT THE HELL DO YOU LOVE ABOUT HIM?

S+e was completely distraught. Her eyes were completely red and puffy from hours of crying,and that was obvious. I had waited for her on her porch for several .longer than I feel was appropriate before she finally answered the door. And now I knew why, but I didn't know the reason. For the tears that is. Although I could make a stab at it

She was a young friend of mine that I would mentor from time to time. A single mother, struggling to be a mother to her two sons. She had a job and that was both good and unusual for a young woman in her neighborhood. Most of the girls that got pregnant were also on welfare. But on that note she beat the odds. And I think that was what attracted me to her and made me willing to help her in any way I could. I love being the mother figure for any young person that shows promise. And she did. She got a lot of it wrong. But she was trying and for the most part was willing to listen and hear. For the most part.

Like most of the young ladths in the poorer part of our cities, she felt that she needed to have some kind of man in her life. In most of those close neighborhoods the men are shared from girl to girl. So they already have a pretty good idea of the kind of man that they are allowing into their lives and the lives of their children.

These neighborhoods are crawling with predators of one kind or another. These young and single mothers end up with young males who are not equipped to be the men or fathers that they set their hopes on. They just don't have what it takes to be a leader of a family because they have never been taught or even had examples of their own, at least not good examples, and yet these young men make it into these desperate young women household anyway.


And so is the case. This young and beautiful woman is the victim of her own doing.  And so I asked, "what's wrong?"
She answered, "the same ol' crap."
I looked at her carefully. Trying to figure out "why." and what would have to happen to make this girl realize that she was worth so much more. "Is he here?"  I asked.
She said he had left. But she went on to say how much she hated him and the things that he did to her. She was fed up with the way he cheated on her and stayed out all night. She was tired of the way he depended on her money for all of his needs and how he never, ever contributed to the household or to their lives as a couple. She bought all the gifts and paid for all the romatic dinners. And she was tired of all of his texting and phone calls. She was just tired.
So I asked the obvious question,"why don't you leave him or put him out?"
And she said, "because I love him."
I contemplated that response for a moment before I spoke again. I just couldn't understand what she could be thinking. And what about her future?  Doesn't she ever think about her own future and what she deserves. And her children. What about her children?!

"You love him?" I whispered."What do you mean you love him? Tell me, please, what do you love about him?"  I was standing directly in front of her on her porch and I looked her in her eyes, so that I could get her direct attention. I wanted her to listen and hear me with all she had. I needed her to understand that I was tired also. I was tired of trying to be all I could for her and her children and watching her do less. I believed that she deserved more and I needed her to believe the same thing. So I said . . .

"What do you love about him?"
"You love the way he cheats on you."
 "You love the way he beats you and hurts you."
"You love the way he takes from you and your children."
You love his selfishness."
"You love the constant array of females calling him and disrespecting you." or
"Maybe you love the way he takes your car out all night and makes you late for work and the children late for school."
"Please tell me, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU REALLY LOVE ABOUT HIM?"
"He have left you with nothing else to love but those things that I have stated and yet you say you love him. Well let me say that if that is what you love about him then please, please, realize it and stop complaining and for goodness sake, stop crying and just love him and all the rottenness he brings to you and your family daily.

And then I walked away.
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